BUFFALO, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART

Unbelievable story in Buffalo. Angela and her photog did such a great story!!! How kind to share this story amid all the losses that are occuring with Harvey. My heart goes out to all those victims. Losses affect all of us in so many ways. Please any homicide families who see this story, connect with us.

CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF , BRITTY AND QUOTES TO KEEP US GOING

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WEAVING THROUGHT THE WALLS OF HOPE

A COVERSATION WITH BRITTANY--A DANCE WITH QUOTES AND THOUGHTS

OF WAYS TO DRAW PEOPLE IN TO FIND SOME PERSONAL VALUE IN THIS QUEST.

Brittany, for the 5th time in 10 years I will try to raise a reward fund.  I will keep trying to find a national voice (national news) to join the 132 + voices of local reporters who shared our story across 46 states doing the CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER  tours.

Just passed the 10th anniversary of your murder/burial/ birthday (10/4/04). I cried at 10 years passing, cried as I see so few people around us. People express their caring but we never see them beside us. I am too much a reminder that they too could lose their children?

Why over the 10 years, with as much as you were loved, why have fund raising events,  memorial events, and a Poker run, all lost the initial people involved, few offering their time for set up and promotion. Even tho I lived with little money those first 7 years, I tried. Now I cry because at post 10.......there is no end to this solitary path.

IT BREAKS MY HEART. I DON'T UNDERSTAND...WHAT MAKES YOU OR ME SO DIFFERENT THAT THESE EVENTS FAIL,

IT BREAKS MY HEART. I DON'T UNDERSTAND...WHAT MAKES YOU OR ME SO DIFFERENT THAT NATIONAL NEWS  WILL NOT SHARE OUR STORY, THAT SOME WITH NATIONAL PROFILES WON'T HELP.

HOW CAN IT BE SOO MANY PEOPLE LOVED YOU, YET NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

HOW CAN IT BE THAT I HAVE TRAVELLED 106000 MILES ACROSS 46 STATES AND HAD 132 REPORTERS TELL OUR STORY YET NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

WHY, WHEN MOST KNOW I AM NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR YOU, BUT TO SAVE OTHER DAUGHTER, NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

                                                       WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER?

 LOSING A CHILD
A CONVERSATION WITH QUOTES

 

   (ME) Brittany, each day I breath your loss, like I did on your burial day when my eyes greeted the first stars of mourning.

   " your absence has gone through me, like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” ― W.S. Merwin

 

    (ME) Brittany, my steps those first days  were a solo journey, not knowing where I'd go, what I'd find. And tho steps remain solo sometimes, upon highways where people and their cities  bestow gifts upon me, I do not feel alone.

 

"A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it".Michelangelo

 But I refuse to die. People say to me "God I'd die if that happened to me." I tell them, before this happened I thought I would but  I learned to live in honor of the lost....

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”  

  We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

                                      

   "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

"Philanthropy is not about money...its about feeling the pain of others and caring enough about their needs to help."  Timothy Pina

     

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". -- Old Chinese Proverb

10 years without solving is when long term unsolved murders need help, It is when money speaks from those who will not tell anything if they don't get paid or deals etc. Sady
I watched $50000 rewards, $100000 help solve murders where 0- to $5000 doesn't . It sometimes seems las if people seeing large reward funds react--"this must be important or "valid" enough for people to offer to help try to solve it and so they give more. But it is only me funding my CARAVANs  that crisscross the country, counteracting Britty's silenced voice or trying to fund events which seem to fail...because it is only me?

"We emerge into the light not by denying our pain, but by walking through it"Joan Borysenko

 

  

    My 60th birthday will be Feb 11. Britty was murdered right before my 50th. I will keep fighting this solitary fight. Because I have to keep walking thru it. I hope to be part of an indepth story in Beaumont Texas about unsolved murders. This is the area where Morgan Harrington's killer was found (while searching for him as suspect of missing Hannah Graham) on Gilchrist Beach was reported as an area where predators end up.
    But a story told without reward fund  doesn't travel far....we need help...we need voices to tell our story to save other daughters. Do I go another 10 years alone........
                        WHAT IF THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER?

THANK YOU GREEN BAY. You have been friendly all day and thank you WBAY for a great story!!!!! If you see me tomorrow tooling around town....Come up and say hi!!!!
Chicago Sunday

http://www.wbay.com/story/23305739/2013/08/30/caravan-to-catch-a-killer-comes-to-green-bay

"Caravan To Catch A Killer" Comes To Green Bay

www.wbay.com

A Tulsa woman is taking her mission to find her daughter's murderer to Green Bay. In a desperate search for answers, she launched a nation-wide tour called "Caravan To Catch a Killer."

Crimewire Story...WHAT A GIFT!!

Kim is unbelievable. SHe just conducted an hour long interview on her talk radio show. She has such passion and dedication. She will forever have a place in my heart!!!!! Please let her know what you think and share this with everyone!!!

Listen to internet radio with Inside Lenz Network on BlogTalkRadio

NURSERY TALES

I MISS YOU.............................

LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER - YOUR LIFE IS NOT FORGOTTEN

 

I MISS YOU MY DANCING PONY PRINCESS......................

YOUR DARK EYES ALWAYS HELD THE DEPTH OF YOUR CARING FOR OTHERS. EYES FRAMED BY CURLS FALLING LIGHTLY BESIDE YOUR ANGEL SHAPED FACE.

YOU WERE AN ANGEL AMONG US, DESTINED TO GO SO FAR.......I WILL TAKE YOU AS FAR AS I CAN

NEEDING A GUARDIAN ANGEL TO HELP ME BREATHE THROUGH THIS

Survived this past Tuesday,in 100 degree heat, after car broke down on highway and I waited 2 hrs for towing---as all sped by at 80mph. Survived last 4 days stuck at house with 106 degree heat making it hard to walk anywhere, survived finding out my CVT Nissan Transmission is gone, must be replaced...total prob $3500+. I'll survive not getting a car rental for a week cause too damn expensive. I have accepted the path after Britty's murder is done w/o someone in my life and that I don't have nor can seem to raise money for a foundation in her name.

What is hardest to take is that what little I can afford to do for Britty, often right before I do it (like a fund raiser event, another CARAVAN) something big like having to replace a transmission on a relatively young car that has a CVT transmission which is just starting to show problems in cars that are older than 2-3 years, occurs and puts me so in debt that the one little thing I am able to do in honor of her, gets affected.

So it is hard to accept that the 11th (prob last) CARAVAN (using what little money I have) is now being impacted by the transmission expense and having not been done in over a year, now because of this cost, may not be able to do for another year.

CARAVANs are not just for Brittany. They are also for me. It is the one time a year I focus on Britty's murder mystery, share facts across US ; the only time it really gets national. I get so many emotional gifts from people while on the road, that it makes coming back to things like the job I have had since her murder easier. Things have been done at work that people say I should sue about but I can't waste energy on that. I have a new job that I will hopefully be going to yet vicious attacks made in secret by a few very sick people who work in the Mental health field have taken their toll as I clear my name each time they do these secret attempts.  I just need to be back on the road a bit to remind me of the general kindness of people.

 It hurts my heart each time I think of now having to wait another year--will make 2 years to do a CARAVAN...I am her voice...Those who know our history know how hard I fight and also how hard things seem to keep hitting... Don't know.. it makes it hard, for a bit, to breathe. ... Of course I will get past it...because I can't change what is. But I try so hard to pay it forward, to do things for others, to do this mostly on my own funding. And it seems (even though I know it is just bad timing) that each time I really need something like being able to do the CARAVAN, then I get hit with something so big like a transmission breakdown that I can do nothing but roll with the punches.  I am tired but I won't give up. I know I just have to accept this solitary road (having sat home 4 days and even after asking for help to get out a bit or to a store (in small country town not near transportation) , there has been little assistance. I am a kind person who rarely asks for help so not sure what keeps people away

TEARS ACROSS MILES

It has killed me to wait a full year to do another CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER tour. But I will be leaving in about 2 weeks if not sooner. What has made it finally happen is that SOME PEOPLE VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART (both genetically and emotionally!!! ), WHO HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR WITH UNBELIEVABLE WORDS OF SUPPORT AND HOPE seemed to get it in their head they were not doing enough and sent a truly generous donation. I am not good at asking for help. So yes you Jane, family and friends, who sent This gift to fill the tank a number of times!!! remain close to my heart, even without the gift. I know you have always known this. I hope to be out at least 4 weeks and this makes it possible. As for the direction of the CARAVAN I asked people for ideas of where I should stop. I think there is an older post with all the cities we have had stories in (108 reporters across 46 states and about 86 cities. Please!!! Any feedback for where people want us to stop will be welcomed even if I have to zig and zag. You can email at therapoet@aol.com. I always have a semi plan but go where I am drawn. As noted I must visit Minnesota, N and S Dakota (only states with no stories,) Also I mentioned that I am going to try to do a travelogue/video of this CARAVAN. I fear this may be the last........

ASK YOUR LAWMAKERS--WHAT IF THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER! VOTING AGAINST DNA AT ARREST INCREASES CHANCES IT WILL BE

The Maryland v. King decision was released; the Supreme Court overturn the Mar Mariposayland Court of Appeals; ******holding that DNA collection from Arrestees WAS!!! IS!!! constitutional.****** THESE ARE THREE EXAMPLES EMAIL ME AT THERAPOET@AOL.COM FOR THE COMPLETE STUDIES FROM CHICAGO, MARYLAND, INDIANA AND DENVER
Requiring DNA for felony arrests (at arrest) does solve and prevent violent crimes. Waiting for conviction costs lives. Study by the City of Chicago, and presented to the State Legislature in 2005 ****************Chicago’s Study on Preventable Crimes******* This study show how !!!60 violent crimes could have been prevented, including 53 murders and rapes!!!! if these 8 men had had DNA taken at one of their arrests Most states require DNA collection upon felony conviction, but review of criminal records shows offenders often have**numerous felony arrests before conviction** CHICAGO IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE. I WILL SEND YOU MORE.
Chicago’s examination of criminal activities of*** eight individuals identified 60 violent crimes, that, if DNA had been taken at arrest--“the fingerprint of the 21st century” could have been prevented. In each case, the offender committed previously ***undetected violent crimes**** that ***would have been solved through a DNA match***. But DNA was not required at arrest. INSTEAD… • 22 murders – victims ranging from 24 to 44 years of age • 30 rapes – victims ranging from 15 to 65 years of age • Attempted rapes • Aggravated kidnapping
The 8 men with almost ALL FEMALE VICTIMS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE accumulated a total of 21 felony arrests before finally being identified. Only seven of the prior felony arrests were for violent crimes – the remaining two-thirds of arrests were for non-violent felonies. They were free to commit--60 violent crimes, including 53 murders and rapes, that could have been prevented.
Chicago Preventable Crimes. (BELOW ARE JUST TWO OF THE 8 EXAMPLES FROM CHICAGO STUDY. THERE ARE VIRGIANIA, INDIANA AND DENVER STUDIES Andre Crawford was charged with eleven murders and one attempted murder/aggravated sexual assault. If the state had required him to give a DNA sample during his felony arrest on March 6, 1993, a DNA match could have been obtained with the DNA evidence recovered from his first murder. Ten murders could have been prevented. If Crawford’s DNA had been taken on March 6, 1993 after he was arrested for attempted sexual abuse (felony),the subsequent 10 murders and one rape would not have happened.
03/1993 He was arrested for felony theft NO DNA taken
09/1993 1st murder, DNA evidence recovered from crime scene-no identification of perpetrator
12/1994 - 04/1995 2 women murdered
05/1995-- 07/1997 arrested for Felony attempted sexual abuse 1 victim// Women murdered// woman raped
1997-1999 7 women murdered
01/1998 Arrested for felony drug possession***** ____________________________
Brandon Harris was convicted of five aggravated criminal sexual assaults and one aggravated kidnapping/attempted rape.If the state had required him to give a DNA sample during his felony arrest on August 25, 2000, a DNA match could have been obtained with the DNA evidence recovered from his first rape. Four rapes and one attempted rape/armed robbery/aggravated kidnapping could have been prevented.
12/1999 1st rape, DNA evidence recovered
08/2000 - 10/2000 Arrest for sexual assault
11/2000 1 woman raped, 1 woman kidnapped
12/2000 Arrest for robbery, while home confined, another rape occurs
02/2001 1 women raped,1 girl raped
05/2001 Girl raped ____________________________________________
Geoffrey Griffin was charged with eight murders and one aggravated criminal sexual assault. If the state had required him to give a DNA sample during his felony arrest on August 26, 1995, a DNA match could have been obtained with the DNA evidence recovered from his first rape. Eight murders, one rape and one attempted rape could have been prevented. If Griffin’s DNA had been taken on August 26, 1995 after he was arrested for possession of a controlled substance (felony), the subsequent eight murders, one rape and one attempted rape would not have happened.
08/1995 Arrest for drug possession
07/1998 Woman raped & killed, DNA evidence recovered
07/1998 - 05/2000 4 women murdered, 1 woman raped
06/2000 Woman attacked
06/2000 4 women murdered
06/2000 Arrested & charged with 8 murders, 1 sexual assault ___________________________________ THESE ARE THREE EXAMPLES EMAIL ME AT THERAPOET@AOL.COM FOR THE COMPLETE STUDIES FROM CHICAGO, MARYLAND, INDIANA AND DENVER THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE SHARE
http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/supreme-court-upholds-maryland-law-says-police-may-take-dna-samples-from-arrestees/2013/06/03/0b619ade-cc5a-11e2-8845-d970ccb04497_story.html

AN UNBELIEVABLE STORY BY CHANNEL 8 ABC TULSA

KTUL.com - Tulsa, Oklahoma - News, Weather

VOICES ACROSS TEARS

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers I've met across the US, to those not yet met. You firmly hug the esssence of your murdered child, even as you feel the loss & the loss of them never being mothers,fathers in this world. I send hugs, prayers to all, especially in US cities, where they live in honor of their child but do so in isolation. My love, prayers,offers of help go to all. My hands reaches farther to those who may be a single mom or who, even with partner,can't fund searching for answers or paying homage, can only struggle to pay bills. My love, hope, prayers, offers of help go to those who walk a solitary path but refuse to stop. We did not choose this path or this family built from losses, but it is family strong as any. On this mother’s day, I applaud all of you who have taken motherhood to its highest dimension…that of continueing love-Maggie in honor of Brittany Phillips 10-4-85 to 10-4-04

FINDING MY BREATH IN ORDER TO KEEP ON

(more added most likely)

I just spent the last hour trying to get my computer to operate right. It still won't work without hiccups! Of course it decides to malfunction right after I decided to come to our website, and pledge to myself and Brittany that I will recharge, regroup, find some way finacially and emotionally to continue. I didn't want to do this"in public" on facebook (not wanting to look as if begging for support).  Here, some may find this blog, this specific one,  by chance, but it may also not be seen for days. Thus I feel good knowing I am not just speaking for an audience. I know I have to do this to get myself back on track on my ongoing mission of love and empathy to find Brittany's killer and to help protect other families from such devastating loss. I have to find some way to get back on track after such an emotional loss with our MILES OF TEARS POKER RUN as well as its' financial loss.

I am used to finacial losses, have learned to ride with them especially after Brittany's murder, especially because almost all of the 67000 miles of the 10 CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER tours were self funded. I have learned to roll with loss as each of my 3 other fund raising events over the last 4 years, have been hit with a car breakdown with its subsequent car rental, a disrupted ability to publicize, thus small turnouts, all which destroyed any fund raising. I have learned to live without a washer,a dryer, a hot water heater that stays working. I have learned to live without repairs to my house unless I can do it. In return I have been able to travel cross country telling Brittany's story, trying to save lives. And I am okay with this.

But my selfish mind begs "Why...what else do I have to experience after Brittany's murder...haven't I paid my dues?"

I would have been okay with a small turnout. I knew our MILES OF TEARS Poker Run, only in its 1st year, would probably not have a large crowd, probably wouldn't even make back the $500 or so I put into getting the word out, good prizes and treats.  BUT EVEN A SMALL CROWD, BY WORD OF MOUTH COULD  HELP BUILD THE REPUTATION OF WHAT THE RIDE COULD OFFER. We had great prizes, great raffle items and a small crowd would have lucked out with all the prize material.

What has been confusing to everyone who saw how much promotion we did, is that after 2 months of publicity--posters on the back of the car, posters and flyers at bike shops, gas stations, biker bars, news stories, etc; after great responses from people I met, Christine met, to have NO ONE SHOW WAS DEVASTATING.

It hurt my heart because it felt like after 8 years no one cared about Brittany story. It hurt my heart because it would limit my ability to go on a CARAVAN  in January.

ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS I AM TRYING TO FIND A WAY BACK. THE HARDEST THING FOR ME TO ACCEPT IS THAT I REALLY DO SO MUCH OF THIS ALONE. THERE ARE A FEW LOYAL SUPPORTERS. I WOULD DIE WITHOUT THEM.  I CAN'T EXPECT OTHERS TO BE INVOLVED 24/7 BUT AFTER THE POKER RUN WEEKEND IT FELT LIKE ONLY OUR SMALL CIRCLE OF VOLUNTEERS WERE THE ONES WHO CARED-and all of them were related to Christine Badgwell, my friend and originator of the poker run idea.

I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE FACE ABOVE DOEES NOT DRAW PEOPLE IN. WHAT AM I DOING TO TAKE AWAY FROM A FACE THAT WOULD BREAK YOUR HEART?

I HAVE LEARNED TO DO SO MUCH OF THIS ALONE BUT TIMES LIKE THE PAST WEEKEND OF HER ANNIVERSARY AND POKER RUN REALLY MAKE ME MISS NOT AT LEAST HAVING SOME ARMS TO CURL INTO AND SAY...."PLEASE TAKE OVER JUST FOR A FEW MOMENTS"

I am sorry Britty. 8 years with a marker like this have knocked the wind out. I will get my breath back soon.

Northeasterners you warm my heart!!!

I am in awe, deeply hubled, warmed, feel supported with all the contacts thta have come from the Yahoo website.New England Cable News NECN tends to be quality reporting, He said Tahoo has picked up many of their stories because they report on what people can identify with. I told Jack if keeps this up I could faint! 1st I get a story in a city I didnt get the last time I was there, Then it is with a News Service that is boradcast in 7? states AND THEN it gets picked up by Yahoo. Geeze Louis. What an extended gift. Then the 1st of being pulled to the side of the road for a donation, someone seeing me driving in to a town and trying to find a way to contact me before I even get to hotelOf course that just confirms I should be doing this 24/7. Then there are these new contacts..... I hope people know how much this contact means to me

PORTLAND MAINE YOU HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART

Everyone has been so warm and welcoming here, amid the rain showers and the cold wind. Thank you to all those who took time to hear Brittany's story, to give a hug. These are the things that keep me doing this!!!!And to Reporter Caroline Cornish and her photographer(so bad at remembering names). They made me feel comfortable and stood out in the cold wind even longer than I did. I am forever grateful. The gift of a story in each city touches my heart.

BOSTON YOU ARE GREAT!!!!! THANKS CBS!

Heading into Boston just a bit before noon. Thanks all who have visited our webpage, have honked as we drive around. Thansk to all the individuals who talked to us in front of the camera or who just talked to me as they passed by. Those hugs are what keps me going!!!! We had an absolutely unbelievable story fom CBS Boston. Reporter Beth Germano and her photographer (forgot his name!!) basically waited all day for us to fight traffic jam after traffic jam after traffic jam from NYC to Boston. Then they were working on a very tight deadline for the 11 pm news as we filmed way into the dark. Yet the story looked like it had been worked on for days!!!!

Just looked at stats from just yesterday and today. This morning more than 250 views. Yesterday eve either due to the drive (yeah right) or the 11pm news over 100 views--AT !!#) pm! Days like this warm my heart so. We filmed in HArvard square and all the young people I was able to talk to was so important. Don't know how long I can stay out but days like the last 3-5 make me want to be out for weeks on end Thanks Brittany

Crimeline With Jon Leiberman-4/17 4pm Brittany Phillips Murder

‎10TH CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER-A GO!!!! WILL LEAVE TOMORROW 4-6AM. Decided to head thru Louisville--10 hrs. Then 9.5 to DC. I really am touched (sure some people think I am lol) by the donations. Please don't apologize for you feeling it is small. No gift is small and it really touched my heart that people took the time to give....as far as I am concerned---A DOLLAR EQUALS DISTANCE EXTENDED! Someone told me about putting little cars on the website that could have initials. I may try to do that!!! You all are in my heart whether it as a donation or well wishes!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow tuesday I may not be online alot. If you need to contact me you can text or call 918 629-2317...Maggie

Brittany Phillips I find on days I feel the sadness of Brittany's loss, I am reminded of the beauty that has rode beside the loss for almost all of the 7.5 years. The many gifts I've received on this path covered with echoes of loss, the people I am touched by with their kindness and generousity, strangers in parking lots, new friends found on the road and in Tulsa, OKC and other towns in Oklahoma, the generous hug...s, conversation, well wishes, all touch me at my hearts depth. Sitting at Paneras with the H's today, (I would have never met if not for my CARAVAN car) made me realize this as I knew we were creating a lifelong friendship. Then out of the blue I received a notice of a donation which had me in tears. I had received another earlier this week which did the same. JP--yours surprised me. I have such gratitude for your kindness (of course I knew you'd be a "special" person") You struggle as much as I do to make ends meet. But I love ya for it!!! JF and JF, I do not know what to do with you!!!! You all have made these 7.5 years tolerable, liveable----emotional support, patience (!!:) ), the investment of your caring and concern, how you made us (Britty, Josh and I) feel like family......... there was no need to give what you did. But I know you did it with a spiritual caring. I love you all, including the ones who now have better access to the one who never rests! Thank you all. I am on the road beginning Tuesday!!!!!