CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF , BRITTY AND QUOTES TO KEEP US GOING

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WEAVING THROUGHT THE WALLS OF HOPE

A COVERSATION WITH BRITTANY--A DANCE WITH QUOTES AND THOUGHTS

OF WAYS TO DRAW PEOPLE IN TO FIND SOME PERSONAL VALUE IN THIS QUEST.

Brittany, for the 5th time in 10 years I will try to raise a reward fund.  I will keep trying to find a national voice (national news) to join the 132 + voices of local reporters who shared our story across 46 states doing the CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER  tours.

Just passed the 10th anniversary of your murder/burial/ birthday (10/4/04). I cried at 10 years passing, cried as I see so few people around us. People express their caring but we never see them beside us. I am too much a reminder that they too could lose their children?

Why over the 10 years, with as much as you were loved, why have fund raising events,  memorial events, and a Poker run, all lost the initial people involved, few offering their time for set up and promotion. Even tho I lived with little money those first 7 years, I tried. Now I cry because at post 10.......there is no end to this solitary path.

IT BREAKS MY HEART. I DON'T UNDERSTAND...WHAT MAKES YOU OR ME SO DIFFERENT THAT THESE EVENTS FAIL,

IT BREAKS MY HEART. I DON'T UNDERSTAND...WHAT MAKES YOU OR ME SO DIFFERENT THAT NATIONAL NEWS  WILL NOT SHARE OUR STORY, THAT SOME WITH NATIONAL PROFILES WON'T HELP.

HOW CAN IT BE SOO MANY PEOPLE LOVED YOU, YET NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

HOW CAN IT BE THAT I HAVE TRAVELLED 106000 MILES ACROSS 46 STATES AND HAD 132 REPORTERS TELL OUR STORY YET NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

WHY, WHEN MOST KNOW I AM NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR YOU, BUT TO SAVE OTHER DAUGHTER, NO ONE STANDS BY OUR SIDE?

                                                       WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER?

 LOSING A CHILD
A CONVERSATION WITH QUOTES

 

   (ME) Brittany, each day I breath your loss, like I did on your burial day when my eyes greeted the first stars of mourning.

   " your absence has gone through me, like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” ― W.S. Merwin

 

    (ME) Brittany, my steps those first days  were a solo journey, not knowing where I'd go, what I'd find. And tho steps remain solo sometimes, upon highways where people and their cities  bestow gifts upon me, I do not feel alone.

 

"A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it".Michelangelo

 But I refuse to die. People say to me "God I'd die if that happened to me." I tell them, before this happened I thought I would but  I learned to live in honor of the lost....

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”  

  We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

                                      

   "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

"Philanthropy is not about money...its about feeling the pain of others and caring enough about their needs to help."  Timothy Pina

     

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". -- Old Chinese Proverb

10 years without solving is when long term unsolved murders need help, It is when money speaks from those who will not tell anything if they don't get paid or deals etc. Sady
I watched $50000 rewards, $100000 help solve murders where 0- to $5000 doesn't . It sometimes seems las if people seeing large reward funds react--"this must be important or "valid" enough for people to offer to help try to solve it and so they give more. But it is only me funding my CARAVANs  that crisscross the country, counteracting Britty's silenced voice or trying to fund events which seem to fail...because it is only me?

"We emerge into the light not by denying our pain, but by walking through it"Joan Borysenko

 

  

    My 60th birthday will be Feb 11. Britty was murdered right before my 50th. I will keep fighting this solitary fight. Because I have to keep walking thru it. I hope to be part of an indepth story in Beaumont Texas about unsolved murders. This is the area where Morgan Harrington's killer was found (while searching for him as suspect of missing Hannah Graham) on Gilchrist Beach was reported as an area where predators end up.
    But a story told without reward fund  doesn't travel far....we need help...we need voices to tell our story to save other daughters. Do I go another 10 years alone........
                        WHAT IF THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER?

HOPE, LIKE FOOD IS NEEDED TO LIVE, IS NEEDED TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A CHILD.........

Sunrise again meets my mourning as I begin to pack up and move on from New Orleans.


I try not to be sad and I fully iunderstand why all this occurs but it doesn't make it any easier to be alone on the road, alone when I am home and not be able to find a way to achieve this mostly on my own for the last 10 years.



At the same time, I will never be able to repay those few people who have been there again and again.
The greatest recharge comes from when I am on the road. It is people passing me on the road,showing thumbs up, who talk to me at rest stops, the reporters who do find our story compelling to their communities, you all are the ones who give me strength to go on.
 But heading towards the decade anniversary in under 3 weeks, being out on the road for almost a week and only 2 strories, no responses at all from the 40 emails sent to various media in both New Orleans and Baton Rogue (these same emails have given us 14-16 STORIES ON PAST CARAVANS.


At 10 years, the primary detective has retired, community media friends, who have followed us for years in Tulsa and Oklahoma City, as most reporters do, have moved on. My CARAVAN TO CATCH A KILLER tours have gone from 2 times a year to 1 time a year due to what I can afford.


The time out becomes more costly while getting fewer stories,




Trying to organize the balloon release at the Capitol on 10/4/14 the 10th anniversary. Trying to get volunteers for the "Walk with Brit on Rt 66; Diminish the risk--needing 4-5 days of drivers driving the WRAP behind me, other needs. So far the usual 2-3 say they will.


I have never been able to draw many and not sure why, haven't been able to raise a reward fund etc. It seems now even less volunteers to help with events. When I am around people, they seem to be compelled to help.......................then I stand alone.


But usually I vent like this and move on.... and that is what I am doing,


IF YOU SEE US ON THE ROAD...PLEASE HONK, TELL YOUR LOCAL NEWS YOU SAW US.
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO EMAIL, LET NATIONAL NEWS KNOW YOU SAW THIS. IF NATIONAL NEWS COULD SHARE THIS, I COULD STOP AT 103000 MILES.

WITH GRATITUDE FOR THOSE WHO DO ACKNOWLEDGE US!!