Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Crimewire Story...WHAT A GIFT!!

Kim is unbelievable. SHe just conducted an hour long interview on her talk radio show. She has such passion and dedication. She will forever have a place in my heart!!!!! Please let her know what you think and share this with everyone!!!
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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER - YOUR LIFE IS NOT FORGOTTEN

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I MISS YOU MY DANCING PONY PRINCESS......................
YOUR DARK EYES ALWAYS HELD THE DEPTH OF YOUR CARING FOR OTHERS. EYES FRAMED BY CURLS FALLING LIGHTLY BESIDE YOUR ANGEL SHAPED FACE.
YOU WERE AN ANGEL AMONG US, DESTINED TO GO SO FAR.......I WILL TAKE YOU AS FAR AS I CAN

Saturday, July 13, 2013

NEEDING A GUARDIAN ANGEL TO HELP ME BREATHE THROUGH THIS

Survived this past Tuesday,in 100 degree heat, after car broke down on highway and I waited 2 hrs for towing---as all sped by at 80mph. Survived last 4 days stuck at house with 106 degree heat making it hard to walk anywhere, survived finding out my CVT Nissan Transmission is gone, must be replaced...total prob $3500+. I'll survive not getting a car rental for a week cause too damn expensive. I have accepted the path after Britty's murder is done w/o someone in my life and that I don't have nor can seem to raise money for a foundation in her name.

What is hardest to take is that what little I can afford to do for Britty, often right before I do it (like a fund raiser event, another CARAVAN) something big like having to replace a transmission on a relatively young car that has a CVT transmission which is just starting to show problems in cars that are older than 2-3 years, occurs and puts me so in debt that the one little thing I am able to do in honor of her, gets affected.

So it is hard to accept that the 11th (prob last) CARAVAN (using what little money I have) is now being impacted by the transmission expense and having not been done in over a year, now because of this cost, may not be able to do for another year.

CARAVANs are not just for Brittany. They are also for me. It is the one time a year I focus on Britty's murder mystery, share facts across US ; the only time it really gets national. I get so many emotional gifts from people while on the road, that it makes coming back to things like the job I have had since her murder easier. Things have been done at work that people say I should sue about but I can't waste energy on that. I have a new job that I will hopefully be going to yet vicious attacks made in secret by a few very sick people who work in the Mental health field have taken their toll as I clear my name each time they do these secret attempts.  I just need to be back on the road a bit to remind me of the general kindness of people.

 It hurts my heart each time I think of now having to wait another year--will make 2 years to do a CARAVAN...I am her voice...Those who know our history know how hard I fight and also how hard things seem to keep hitting... Don't know.. it makes it hard, for a bit, to breathe. ... Of course I will get past it...because I can't change what is. But I try so hard to pay it forward, to do things for others, to do this mostly on my own funding. And it seems (even though I know it is just bad timing) that each time I really need something like being able to do the CARAVAN, then I get hit with something so big like a transmission breakdown that I can do nothing but roll with the punches.  I am tired but I won't give up. I know I just have to accept this solitary road (having sat home 4 days and even after asking for help to get out a bit or to a store (in small country town not near transportation) , there has been little assistance. I am a kind person who rarely asks for help so not sure what keeps people away
Survived Tuesday,in 100 degree heat, after car broke down on highway and I waited 2 hrs for towing---as all sped by at 80mph. Survived last 2 days stuck at house with 106 degree heat making it hard to walk anywhere, survived finding out my CVT Nissan Transmission is gone, must be replaced...total prob $3500+. I'll survive not getting a car rental for a week cause too damn expensive. I have accepted the path after Britty's murder is done w/o someone in my life and that I don't have nor can seem to raise money for a foundation in her name but what is hardest to take is that what little I can afford to do for Britty (and also for myself because my CARAVANS are how I live reg life the rest of the year ) so it is hard to accept that the 11th (prob last) CARAVAN (using what little money I have) is now being impacted by the transmission expense. This is the one time a year I focus on Brittys murder mystery, share facts across US ; the only time it really gets national. It hurts my heart each time I think of this...I am her voice...Those who know our history know how hard I fight and also how hard things seem to keep hitting... Don't know..CARAVANS recharge me for reg life each year. then things like this make it hard, for a bit, to breathe. ... Of course I will get past it...but not by thinking "ah well look at all I have done already" thats not enough nor would it be for anyone.